Like before
by jonashead
Summary: Just like before except that he’s not here to save me...
1. Like before

DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN ANYTHING…

It's summer again. It's Camp Rock again. Everything is like a rewind of last year. Mitchie is there. Shane is there. Caitlyn is there. Jason is there. Final Jam is like the same. I performed _again_. I almost fall on stage _again_. I'm in this side of this lake _again._ I'm crying _again_. Everything is just the same except for one thing. Nate isn't in my side. Nate isn't here to comfort me. Nate isn't here to tell me that everything will be OK. Nate isn't here to tell me he cares. Nate isn't here to tell me he loves me. Nate is there enjoying the After Jam party.

Maybe, if I do what I'm supposed to do last year, everything will be all right. Everything won't be the same.

*************

_This is not what I want to happen. I'm supposed to be the best tonight. I'm not supposed to be crying. I'm not supposed to be here alone. I don't deserve this!_

_I'm hopeless. I made a fool of my self on stage. I made my friends hate me. I proved to my Mom that I'm not worthy of her attention. I'm a loser._

_"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed and stopped crying._

_I looked on the clear water. The full moon gave light everywhere. I stared at the reflection of my tear-stained face._

_"You look pathetic. Nobody cares for you. Nobody loves you," I started crying again. I wonder where all this tears came from. I think I cried every mL of water inside my body._

_I looked around. There was nothing except for trees and flying wasp. If I do it now, nobody will know._

_I stood up. I stared at the sky. And let my body fell on the water. I went deeper and deeper on the lake. I was having a difficulty in breathing but I refused to go back to the surface. I was starting to lose consciousness. Then, someone grabbed me upward. He pushed me to the surface. We're already on the bay and I was coughing so hard._

_"Are you trying to kill your self?" he yelled. He was sitting beside me. I was really coughing so hard. I looked at him. It was Nate. Nate Black of Connect 3._

_"Yes!" I yelled back as soon as I stopped coughing. "And why did you stop me?" I was looking at him straight to his eyes. He was surprised by my answer._

_"Why?" he asked. He seemed concern._

_"Why do you care?" I said, standing. He stood too. "Why are you here? You should be there not here. You should not be talking to me. You should be hating me like everyone else." I was staring at the water. I could see my reflection and Nate's. He was staring at me. _

_"Why would I hate you?" he half smiled. I sat again and swayed my feet on the water. It was summer night but cold wind was blowing. It made me shiver under my wet clothes. "Why did you do that?" he asked as he sat beside me._

_"Why will I tell you?" I asked him back._

_"Because I want to know," he said convincingly. _

_"You really want to know?" I looked at him, an eyebrow raised. What can I do? Maybe, talking to someone will make me feel better. I looked at the sky. "Because I'm pathetic," I started. "Because I'm a shame. Because I'm so mean," tears started rolling on my face. I looked down. "And everybody hates me. Because I don't have a friend. Because my Mom will surely get mad… at… me…" I was really crying so hard and I was shaking. "Because… nobody… cares… for… me… Because… nobody… loves… me… Because… I… I… have nothing… Because…" I stopped when Nate cupped my head in his hands and pulled me towards him. He kissed me tenderly. And before I knew it, I was kissing him back. _

_"Don't say nobody cares for you coz I'm not a nobody," he said smiling then kissed me in the forehead. "And Tess Tyler, I love you. When you feel that you have nothing, think of me. I'm yours to keep."_

_The wind and my wet clothes made me shiver but I felt warm inside._

************

I smirk to my self. Why am I so stupid to believe his words? Why did I believe that he cares? I started crying again. I took off my shoes, sat on the side of the lake and swayed my feet on the water. Like before except that Nate was not here.

Where is he? He was there, enjoying Caitlyn's company. He said he cares for me but he ignored me through out this camp.

************

_"Can I talk to you?" I asked him before the Final Jam._

_"Oh, hi Tess. I'm a little bit busy for the Final Jam," he said it again. It was always his reason every time I tried to talk to him. He left me alone. He left me like everyone else. _

_On my performance on Final Jam, I kept staring at him. He was ignoring me completely. And that was why I almost fall off the stage for the second time around. I rushed out of the stage and ran to the lake, like before._

***********

I look at the clear water. The moon is giving light all around. I stare a t my tear-stained face. I look around and there's nothing except for trees and flying wasp. I stand up and stare at the sky. I let my self drop in the water. I sink deeper and deeper. Just like before except that he's not here to save me. Now, I won't be left alone anymore. Not ever. And everything goes dark-------------


	2. Regrets

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything!!!**

Since I sat here, I didn't leave. I'm staring at the other kids dance. i'm in the After Jam party. I could hear them laughing, some speaks, or should I say scream, while some sings together on the stage. They are enjoying the party a lot. I should be enjoying this too but here I am. I'm like in a coma. Physically present but mentally absent. I miss her. I miss her a lot.

I drank my third cola. Don't they serve hard drinks here? Well, I really don't drink such things. I never tried. I'm just thinking that maybe, it will help me forget her and what I feel. It's killing me.

"Hey Nate! Wanna dance?" It's Caitlyn. I smile but shook my head. She went to the dance floor with the other kids.

I miss _her_ terribly. I wonder where she is right now. After what happened in her performance, I'm sure she's crying somewhere. I should have run after her but remembering what Shane (and others) said, I chicken out.

*********

_"We didn't see much of you lately. Where have you been?" Shane asked me one night after we performed._

_"I'm dating—"_

_"You're dating? Oh my God! With who?" Jason interrupted me._

_"With Tess—"_

_"Tess? As in Tess Tyler of Camp Rock?" Jason interrupted me again. I nodded. He looked disappointed._

_"That mean girl? She's going to destroy you." Jason remarked._

_How dare he to say that? I should have defended her but I stayed silent until my anger subsides and Jason left._

_"You're dating Tess?" Shane asked me when Jason left. I nodded._

_"You better stop it. She doesn't have a good image. She can destroy you," Shane said, seemed concern. OK. Those words weren't so Shane. He doesn't talk bad things about other people but he said it._

_**********_

That's the reason why I'm ignoring Tess in our second summer in Camp Rock. I love her but I also love my career. It's hard to ignore her. It's hard to see her broken every time I leave her. I don't want to hurt her but I keep doing it. What's wrong with me?

I should have chosen Tess instead of protecting my career. Tess is kinder now than before. She changed a lot. She's not the mean girl everybody knows anymore. I'm so stupid. I realized it just right now. She can't destroy me because she loves me and I love her too.

I stood up and started asking everyone I see about Tess' whereabouts. Nobody knew where she was. I went out of the hall and searched for her.

The lake! She'll be there, just like last year where I saw her. Why didn't I thought of that?

**********

_I was walking on the woods. The Final Jam was so tiring and having a fresh air made me feel better. The sky was so clear and it was so quiet._

_Then, I heard a scream. I followed the voice and I saw her. She stood up and stared at the sky. Her blond hair was blown by the summer breeze. Then, she fell to the water._

_Weird girl. Who would think to go swimming at these hours and alone? I walked near the lake waiting for her to go back to the surface. It's more than a minute. She's still not going up for some air. Another minute passed. She's still at the bottom of the lake. Panic stricken me. Is she committing suicide? I dove to the water with shoes and all. I found her and grabbed her to the surface. _

_"Are you trying to kill your self?" I yelled at her. She looked up. It was Tess Tyler. I admired her from the first time I saw her. _

_"Yes!" she yelled back. She looked at me in the eyes. She screamed something to me but I didn't understand. I was busy looking at her eyes. It were full of sadness._

_"Why?" I asked her after a minute._

_"Why do you care?" she said, standing. I stood too. "Why are you here? You should be there, not here. You should not be talking to me. You should hate me like everyone else" she said staring at the water. _

_"Why would I hat you?" I half-smiled. She didn't answer. Instead, she sat again. "Why did you do that?" I asked as I sat beside her._

_"Why will I tell you?" she asked back?_

_"Because I want to know," I answered matter-of-factly._

_"You really want to know?" she said looking at me an eyebrow raised. I nodded. She stared at the sky._

_"Because I'm pathetic," she started. "Because I'm a shame. Because I'm so mean," she started crying. "And everybody hates me. Because I don't have a friend. Because my Mom will surely get mad… at… me," she was shaking uncontrollably. I want to hold her… to comfort her. "Because… nobody… cares… for… me… Because… nobody… loves… me… Because… I… I… have nothing… Because…"_

_Before I knew it, I was already kissing her. She seemed shock at first but she kissed back._

"_Don't say nobody cares for you coz I'm not a nobody," I said smiling after the tender kiss. I kissed her on the forehead. "And Tess Tyler, I love you,' I didn't know why I said that but it's what I feel. "When you feel that you have nothing, think of me. I'm yours to keep._

**************

And I'm still hers. I still care for her. And I still love her.

I arrived at the lake. She's not there. I'm about to leave when I noticed a pair of shoes. Her shoes. I ran to the lake and dove. She can't do it again. Please God… tell me she didn't do it again.

I searched for her silently praying that I'm wrong. She might just left her shoes. Or it can be not hers. Or…. I saw her lying at the bottom of the lake. I grabbed her up.

I lay her on the ground.

"Tess, wake up. It's Nate," I said wishing that she'll wake up. She's not breathing. What do they do during these emergencies? CPR, right. I tried it but nothing happened. I tried it again. Still, nothing happened.

"Tess, wake up. This is not a good joke," I said. I can feel tears running in my face. I hug her. I hug her so tight I'm afraid I'll break her fragile bones.

I should have talked to her when she called me. I should have thought of her instead of my career. I should have ignored Shane and Jason's words. I should have given her my attention. I should have run after her when she almost falls on the stage. If only I didn't act so stupid. She wouldn't do this. She would not try it again. She would be here with me.

But I am stupid and she did try it again… and actually succeeded. Now, she's gone and it's my entire fault.

I let out a scream---------

**I know it's stupid… but it's my first time… Give me some considerations. I'll try to make a better one next time…. Please review….**


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